Overview
Most tools count what you did. This one asks how you did it. Did people feel respected? Did healing happen? Did love show up in the work?
This paper comes from a group in Stockton, California. Fathers and Families of San Joaquin helps families hurt by prison and violence. They asked a big question: Can we measure love?
Most groups ask: How many people came? How many things did we do? But these questions miss the point. They don't ask if people felt cared for. They don't measure if healing happened.
"Love is what happens when strangers become neighbors."
— Fathers and Families of San JoaquinFathers and Families started in 2003. Many staff members know pain firsthand. They have their own stories with the justice system. That's why they care so much about measuring what really matters.
The Framework
The Measuring Love tool has four parts. Together, they show the full picture of change work:
🌱 Nurturing
Helping people grow. Meeting them where they are. Giving what's needed without judgment.
🤝 Compassion
Feeling someone's pain with them. Not pity from far away—standing with someone in hard moments.
⚖️ Justice
Working to change unfair systems. Love isn't passive. It acts against things that cause harm.
🔥 Righteous Anger
Using anger as fuel for change. Some things should make us angry. This isn't bitterness—it's refusing to accept what's wrong.
Why These Four?
These four parts came from real experience. The group noticed their best work happened when all four were present. Nurturing without justice can enable harm. Justice without compassion can feel cold. All four together create real change.
Key insight: When we only count numbers, we miss what matters. Love-based tools capture the human changes that make movements strong.
Put It Into Practice
This isn't just ideas. It's meant to be used. Here's how groups can put it into action:
1. Collect Stories
Instead of surveys, gather stories. Ask: "Tell me about a time when you felt truly supported here." Look for signs of nurturing, compassion, justice, and righteous anger in what people share.
2. Watch and Notice
Make guides that help staff see love in action. What does nurturing look like in your work? How do you spot compassion?
3. Ask These Questions
- Where did we help someone grow this week?
- When did we truly share in someone's pain?
- What systems work did we push forward?
- What wrong thing are we refusing to accept?
Questions for Your Organization
- Do our tools measure how people feel?
- Do the people we help get to say what success looks like?
- What would change if we put love at the center?
Start small: You don't have to change everything at once. Add one story question or one team prompt. Build from there.
Resources
About the Source
Fathers and Families of San Joaquin started in 2003 in Stockton, California. They help families hurt by prison and violence. They offer direct support, organize communities, and push for system change.
Related Ideas
- Developmental Evaluation: Measurement made for complex, changing situations
- Most Significant Change: Using stories to measure impact
- Participatory Action Research: Research led by communities themselves
- Healing-Centered Engagement: Moving beyond trauma awareness to actual healing
